The rediculously long post about an adventure, mid-processing.
Sorry for the posting delay, but my mind has been racing since I got home yesterday. I don't think posting a day late makes a huge difference, though. In any case, I'm not even close to finished processing the events of the past few days, but I have lots to say. Maybe I can get some of my thoughts hashed out on here.
Here's a bit of preamble: I have a really awesome friend who moved several hours away a few months ago. He's come back quite a bit this summer, so I've gotten to see him, but when he's at home I miss him a lot. I have a feeling he misses all his friends, too. This week, some of our other awesome friends and I took a road trip to his house to surprise him and spend a few days there visiting before the summer ended. There were five of us; three guys and two girls. This trip is what caused my posting delay and what inspires the points I'm about to attempt to cover.
First of all, I'd like to talk about group dynamics.
It takes a very unique group of people to come together like this and share the experiences that we did. I was constantly baffled by the maturity and general amazingness of the people I was surrounded by. What I experienced there was something I value highly and am so, so thankful for.
Throughout the trip, neither me nor the other girl had to open our own car doors more than a few times, because the guys would beat us to it. They held doors for us, let us borrow their towels at the beach, did favors for us, and were absolute gentlemen the whole time. I pointed this out at one point, and they all expressed disappointment that us girls didn't experience such treatment more often. This is just another reason that I appreciate them so much. Their kind of behavior is what I believe distinguishes boys from men. All three of them I consider to be good and Godly men - and that is a high compliment coming from me. I wish I saw that more often, but I am so, so thankful that I know these people.
Though we spent a lot of time going places and doing things, being active and exciting, we also spent a lot of time just talking. And the things we talked about were extremely impressive to me as well. All five of us continually carried on conversations that whispered of depth and passion that doesn't usually come out in casual discussion. We didn't all know each other very well before the trip, but we never once struggled for common ground. Our conversations were refreshingly mature and never seemed to be destructive. Instead there was pursuit of understanding coming from everyone, and genuine care expressed toward everyone in almost every interaction. I don't know of many groups of people who are so consistently honoring to each other.
There's so much more I could say about this, but I'll settle with one last point. Remembering my post, The Greatest of These, I'd like to say that these four friends of mine are probably the most loving people that I am blessed to be friends with. They make conscious efforts to build each other up instead of tearing each other down, and though there is friendly banter, it is nearly always done with an undertone of care and respect and followed by confirmation that the banter is born of love. I so, so appreciate seeing that in them, and I can only hope that the way I acted toward them was similar.
Second, I'm bringing back up the talk on adventure.
We had so much fun that I have trouble knowing where to begin. It comes from the fact that I was with people I enjoy, experiencing life, instead of sitting around writing about it. So much fun was had, crazy things done, laughs shared, and life enjoyed. But the number one greatest part of it, to me, was that it was an adventure. This is not to say that we were always in danger and always discovering, but there were many great and beautiful moments. In A Heart for Adventure, I gave a list of sorts full of reasons that I love adventure. Let's look at that list in juxtaposition with some of the things we did.
I said I wanted to be in danger, to be scared.
When we went to the beach, we swing danced in the water. I did a flip and ended up with my face in the water, and inhaled quite a bit of it. I came up coughing and gasping, and I was pretty scared. But I was surrounded by gentlemen who held me up and made sure that I was all right. They didn't move until I had recovered. So I felt safe.
When a huge thunderstorm rolled in on our last evening, we all sat on the back porch to feel the wind and watch the amazing lightning. I am scared of thunderstorms, so it was scary but breathtakingly beautiful. When the rain came, we decided to swing dance in the storm. I ran out to my car, alone, in the pouring rain and darkness to get my shoes. I was absolutely terrified. When I was a few feet from the car, the sky and the earth lit up brighter than the daytime with a huge, long blast of fork lightning. I stood frozen for a moment in fear and awe, and I will remember that image forever. In that moment I breathed a quiet prayer, and then hurried to grab my shoes and get back inside. When I got back to the house and my friends, the thrill of the fear and safety of the house made me praise God so passionately for protecting me even as He showed me His amazing power.
Those few minutes gave me the boldness to pull on my shoes and go out into the backyard to dance with my friends in the middle of the rain and the storm. I was overflowing with a mix of fear and excitement - knowing I was in danger but trusting in God's protection. It was absolutely beautiful, and an experience I will always, always treasure.
Feeling scared makes feeling safe so much more valuable.
I said I wanted to be surrounded by unrest and uncertainty.
Not necessarily on this trip, but in my life there are a lot of stresses and worries coming at me at almost all times. My grandmother has cancer and is on her deathbed. I'm starting college next week and I'm not at all prepared. My brother almost failed the summer class he was taking, which would have made him very upset, and he got his wisdom teeth removed on Tuesday, so he's been in a lot of pain. The list goes on.
But when I was on this trip, I was filled with beautiful, wonderful peace. The first night, we stayed outside under the stars for hours. We talked, laughed, jumped and laid on a trampoline, watching the sun set and the stars come out. It was so encouraging, so wonderful to relax and just be, with my friends around me. Several times the next day, I found myself lying on the floor in the living room surrounded by people singing and playing wonderful music. At one point we all gathered there and sang worship songs together. The relaxation that brought me, to be worshiping God together, was stunning.
Feeling unrest makes feeling peaceful so much deeper.
I said I wanted to be surrounded by noise.
The friend we were visiting has three younger brothers, who all enjoyed nothing more than following me around the house showing me things, telling me jokes and stories, and asking me question after question. I enjoyed this so much, because they're all amazingly unique, fun, and talented, but it sometimes wore me out more than I expected it to.
One night when the boys had all gone to bed hours before, and my friends and I had decided to turn in for the night, I went up to the guest room to find the other girl already fast asleep. Wide awake, I sat at the window for twenty minutes - maybe more - soaking in the silence of the night. The wind blew the summer air through the room, the full moon shone in the sky, and I watched four red lights blink out of sync on the horizon. I rested my chin on my forearm along the windowsill and thanked God for the life that he had so graciously blessed me with. The quiet was so refreshing.
Being surrounded by noise makes the quiet so much stronger.
I also said that I wanted to be scared because it makes me feel alive. Oh, how I felt the life inside me when I held the hands of my friends to dance, the rain soaked my skin, and the lightning flashed across the whole sky.
I said I wanted to discover because it opened my eyes wider. The beautiful country, the beach, the sky - they opened my eyes so wide that I never wanted to look away.
I said I wanted to get dirty because it teaches and toughens me. The rocky yard and the hot sand toughened my tender feet and covered them with dirt. The sticky ice cream all over my hands made me happy to lick my fingers and feel crazy messy.
I said I wanted to experience the world because it gives me reverence for God's creation. Words cannot describe the immenseness of the beautiful things I saw and felt. This world is amazing and God gets all the credit for making it so wonderful.
Finally, I'm going to look at the phrase, "falling in love."
I've never believed in "falling in love." At least, not the kind that pop culture would like me to believe in. Pop culture says that "falling in love" is something purely emotional that you can't control and shouldn't want to control because it's always good all the time. This is wrong for a lot of reasons, but most importantly, because it completely misses the definition of the word love. What it's really defining is infatuation; and it's only good until it burns out - then it can be terrible. I don't think that's a very good thing to base my life decisions on, so I don't believe in pop-culture falling in love.
I have recently been provoked to think of a more real, Christian definition for the phrase. I can understand that love in that sense would be more real and more true to its original definition, but I continue to trip up on the word "fall." Love, in the realer sense, is not something you fall into. That implies that what you are doing is a mistake, an accident, and with unintended consequence. That is not what I believe love to be. I believe that love is a choice. Love is something you decide to do, decide to be to someone because you care more about them than you do yourself. The consequence of that is something you walk willingly into.
But this week, God showed me that I can, in fact, fall in love. No, not with a person. That’s another talk entirely. With a place. The first night we were there, completely unwillingly, without any intention, suddenly I realized that I loved the country. My friend lives very close to town, but far enough away that his house has suburbs just down the road but country beyond its road. The field in his backyard is beautiful. The trees are amazing. The sunsets are flawless. The wind off the lake is wonderful. I was constantly in awe of the quietness, the space that his home was surrounded by. Two of the three mornings, I went out to the trampoline and just sat there, soaking up the wonders surrounding me and basking in the glory of God's creation. I couldn't help but worship, nearly every time I really looked around me. God is so good!
I have known for a while that I want to live in the country one day, but I had never really been in the country to confirm this. By the time I realized what it was about the place that made me love it so much (the space, the expanse of God-creation instead of houses or businesses), I was so lost in the beauty that I didn't want to leave it. I know I'm probably saying the same thing over and over again now, but I'm so in love! Maybe it isn't the kind of love that I tried to put into the phrase "falling in love" earlier, but oh, is it love. I'm lost in the beauty. God taught me this week that I could fall in love with His creation, by giving me creation to fall in love with. I didn't decide it was beautiful. I just, suddenly, knew that it was. And it makes me want to live in the country all the more.
I guess I would call that a controlled fall. It wasn't recklessly born or handled, but it so wasn't what I expected. God gave me something beautiful though, and I fully intend to appreciate the greatness and beauty of His creation.
Now, I know this was probably big enough to be three separate posts, but they all fall under the category of thoughts and ideas and ramblings and in-betweens that came from my trip this week. I don't really feel the need to separate them. This is just a small taste of what came as a result of those days with my friends, and there's still so, so much more that I am processing. Maybe I will write more about that later, maybe not. Either way, it's been amazing. Coming home felt like losing a part of myself. But it was worth every second I spent there.
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