In my friend group, we know each other fairly well. And our care for each other is often assumed, and not actively communicated. So instead we say and do the things that will more likely encourage laughter and entertainment than anything else. Sarcasm takes the place of encouragement. Harassment becomes the norm. We think we do it to laugh, to just be having fun with friends. But it becomes all we do - laugh at each others' expense - all the time. And we think we're building lasting relationships? What we think is endearing turns out to be demeaning. And I'm sick of it.
I love my friends so much, and I want them to know that I do. I think sometimes that truth gets lost in the chaos of us all just messing around and teasing each other all the time. So I've decided to spend more time affirming my friends. I spend time with them because I think they're great people, and when they say or do things that I particularly appreciate, I want them to know it.
A lot of my friends have younger siblings who I really respect and appreciate. They're smart, fun, hilarious, and just plain cool. I love talking, joking, interacting with them, because they are interesting - and I love affirming them because they deserve to know how cool they are. Something in me is desperate to communicate to my friends' younger brothers/sisters that they are appreciated - maybe because in my family, I AM the younger and I know how it feels to live in a shadow, feeling unappreciated. Whatever the motivation, I enjoy affirming them. And I don't think that's a bad thing. But I don't just affirm them because they are children of God and I want them to feel loved (though that is definitely reason enough) - I do so also because I really DO think they're cool. I really do respect them, and I do find them interesting. Just as I do their older siblings, those in my actual friend group. Yet I almost never compliment or affirm my friends, and I definitely actively hide how much I appreciate and care about them. Why? To protect myself? Am I worried I'll be judged for caring?
Or am I worried I'll end up caring too much, and not be able to take anything back?
It doesn't matter. It's not about me. These people are amazing and unique and blessed individuals. I love them and respect them and appreciate their presence in my life so much. And they deserve to know it.
1 Corinthians 13 is packed with descriptors of the word love, and verse 13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
The greatest is love, right? I want people to know I love them. Yes, maybe that can be inferred when I'm just teasing them, but I'd rather there be no room for doubt. If I care about someone, I want them to know it. And I want to make a greater effort to make it known. It starts here, with me. I'm going to love my friends actively, not passively. They need to know how much I care just as much as their siblings do. They deserve to know. And I need to stop trying to protect myself, and just TELL them. If I think their t shirt is cool. If I like their singing voice. If I enjoy their company. If I admire their witty joke. Whatever it may be. I want those I love to know that I love them. There should never be a question about how much I care about someone in my life. And I pray that I can make my feelings known to those around me, enough that there never is a doubt. Because however unusual it is in our culture to compliment someone I’m not romantically interested in, it’s always worth saying. My friends are awesome, for so many reasons. I truly love them. And I want them to know it.
I want to actively love.
Friends, if you see this, please hold me to it.
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